Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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