Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
