I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
