i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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