Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
