If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
