Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
