Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
