I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
