I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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