she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
