you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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