She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dear god my vagina.
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