I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
