My first STD was from a foam party
her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
