the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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