Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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