She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
