drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
