I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
