i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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