So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
