i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
where am i from again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
