We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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