shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize