No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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