My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
