I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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