I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
