I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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