shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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