I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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