Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize