Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
