someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
3 2 1 whiskey
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
my liver is dry heaving
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize