May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
