I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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