I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
