Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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