I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
