He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
