Apparently you make a good broom.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
