You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
