I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
