Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
