he thought i was a dude.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
