Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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