why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
