I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
