I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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