I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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