I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
