probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize