I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
