uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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