I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
