im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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