My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
