I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
