i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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