my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
