I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
