i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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