Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
