Don't you send me to vm
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
