Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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