The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
