woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
