i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
