2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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