Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
