I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
